my favorite way to wake up someone

is with kisses.



especially when you get one back.







We slept for maybe 4 hours... at most.
It was the most comfortable sleep i've ever had.
lying in his arms.
it's hard you know.
to be comfortable like that.

Somebody Told the World the Beauty of Your Verse

sitting there in a silent movie, beside the only girl who really every knew me

I've never been a very good flirt.
Or maybe I'm too good for my own good.
I can't even tell when I do it anymore.
I like to be direct.

Maybe it was the timing.
Maybe it had just been too long.
too long since...
Whatever it was. I don't regret a moment.

He didn't even kiss me. Goodness.

we lie on the floor of his room watching video's.
he didn't have a bed yet.
slowly moving his arms around me.
and then down.
down.
slowly.


I had to fix this quick.
so I turned to face him.


Things just escalated.
It went slow. but felt like everything was a dream.
I couldn't keep up with reality.
Just wanted to lie there and take it all in.

we were sloppy.
not sure of where it was going.
and later I would wonder if suddenly this made me a slut.
but not to me. and not to him.

new and exciting. It was so different.
electric

afterwards. the first thing he said.
"..could I hold you?"

The time was 5:48am

i think we need an ambulance.

i might backtrack.



The room is spinning. I don't know where to place my hands.
Under my stomach? by my sides? between my legs?
... the body has too many limbs. Shoulders just get in the way.
I'm still wearing my watch. Surprised it still works after dunking it in water.
can't sleep.

I have so many thoughts in my head, and none at all at the same time.
I can't comprehend the images.
All of it just makes me dizzy and tired. I want to sleep away my troubles.
But that's the easy way out.

Taking the easy way out means security. money. reduced stress. relaxation.
it also means reuniting with friends and family and my dog.
and seeing a certain man's smiling face.

it sounds so wonderful. like a fairy tale.
downside.
I'm disconnected from even more friends. less independence. delaying school. running away? giving up a possibly awesome opportunity. (living situation, and city)


the rough path includes finacial instability. who knows if i can even afford food? hard hard hard work. stress on body and mind. upside. friends. living in the big city. gosh. it's just been so much work already.

i need someone to tell me something.
anything.