You Don't Need Treats, You Don't Need No Halloween. But I Hope You Need Me.

forgiveness.

what is included in forgiveness? what does it really mean?

I'm not angry.. and I'm not blaming anyone anymore.
but that doesn't mean i understand.
and it doesn't mean it won't have residual hurt.
so have i really forgiven?
will i ever forget?

we're on the road to recovery.
in his mind it's forgive and forget though.
he's already seemingly recovered.

the fighting part. and uncontrollable sadness is over i think.

the paranoia?

... well there's another residual..

does moving forward necessarily mean moving on?
I'm probably going to be stuck like this for awhile.
no less than the first time.

and maybe part of it is my fault.
the fighting at least..
i mean.
no.
it's not my fault.
it's not my fault.

it can't be my fault this time.




i know i'm vague.. but that's how i like this..
sorry?

Just a Downtown Girl. Living in a Lonely World.

what is it about Big City girls that makes them so alluring?
at the drop of a hat they seem to string men along.
there is no uprising. no resistance.
however it is very unsettling.

they're foreign clothes that grip their legs so tight.
the smell of cigarettes and coffee of someone very important.
someone very busy.
Unhappiness plagues their faces showing all their troubles. None of their cares.
And the eye. it's gripped in a choke-hold.
drawn to the thick make-up.
purposely disheveled hair.

we all strive to be her.
the lonely girl that makes you laugh and have to fix.
her dramatics make you think she's interesting.
and the problems she comes to you with, making you her superman.

but at the end of the day. she's wearing the dress and going out for another party.
the same dress that captured you.
but you're not invited.
and the arguments, the laughs, everything you shared. doesn't matter.
she's living in the moment. and nothing else matters.

and while you stare at her.
I sit here. not forgetting a moment.
ready to deal with problems. ready to deal with happiness.
just waiting for you to choose.

waiting here feeling silly for thinking I'd be second fiddle.
or number one.



took the midnight train going anywhere...

Boy Eats Girl

i don't quite know what to think sometimes.
and I now own an Elephant. he's always in the room.
I don't know how long I'm going to keep him.
but I guess that depends on how long I can remember.

what is okay and what's not in a relationship?
where do you draw the line for how far you can go without the other?
and how long can you go without the other before they don't matter?

I'd say 2 months.


I leave for school next fall.
to the capital.
and I don't want to be alone.

but I think I could handle it.

I would like theBoy to come with me.
I would like him to not be a stupidHead.
He tells me he just wants me to be happy again.
But I don't know if I believe anything he tells me.





Elephants never forget..