i think we need an ambulance.

i might backtrack.



The room is spinning. I don't know where to place my hands.
Under my stomach? by my sides? between my legs?
... the body has too many limbs. Shoulders just get in the way.
I'm still wearing my watch. Surprised it still works after dunking it in water.
can't sleep.

I have so many thoughts in my head, and none at all at the same time.
I can't comprehend the images.
All of it just makes me dizzy and tired. I want to sleep away my troubles.
But that's the easy way out.

Taking the easy way out means security. money. reduced stress. relaxation.
it also means reuniting with friends and family and my dog.
and seeing a certain man's smiling face.

it sounds so wonderful. like a fairy tale.
downside.
I'm disconnected from even more friends. less independence. delaying school. running away? giving up a possibly awesome opportunity. (living situation, and city)


the rough path includes finacial instability. who knows if i can even afford food? hard hard hard work. stress on body and mind. upside. friends. living in the big city. gosh. it's just been so much work already.

i need someone to tell me something.
anything.